An Ode To The Best Damn Woman Who Ever Did It
****With Rough N Rowdy returning to North Carolina this Friday, this week I’m counting down the best five things about the Tar Heel state. Yesterday the statue of the panther came in at #3. Today we move onto #2.****
On the Yak yesterday, KB made a really good point about the perils of “claiming” celebrities from your state. You see, no matter where you’re from it’s inevitable that some star was born fairly close by. For example, as KB was making his point, Trent chimed in to claim that Ashton Kutcher belonged to Iowa. Now is it true that Ashton Kutcher was born in Cedar Rapids? Yes. And for Trent to be proud of that is fair. However, the problem is that when we start to talk about what present-day 2019 Iowa has to offer—let’s be honest—there’s no reason to drag Ashton Kutcher’s name through the corn. Kutcher left Iowa as soon as he possibly could and never looked back. And if he did all he would’ve seen was the house Adam DeVine lived in before he realized he was still in Iowa.
Every state has its legends, but for the most part, they don’t stick around. Unless you live in California, which in that case they just get two rounds of rhinoplasty and move down the road. BUT …What if I told you that North Carolina’s biggest legend never left us? What if I told you North Carolina’s most revered person has remained true to the Tar Heel state for more than 72 years?
Meet Cherie Berry.
Cherie’s a juggernaut in every sense of the word. Not only do her first and last name rhyme like she’s from Brazzers or Dr. Seuss, but her backstory is better than anything either one of those content creators could ever dream of. Most states’ most revered person is some kind of hilarious magician or old-timey movie star. Well ours is a lifetime public servant. We take your Harry Carrey and raise you a Cherie Berry: North Carolina’s Commissioner of Labor since 2001.
When you first see Cherie, it’s easy to get caught up in her looks. Perfectly manicured hair, trendy glasses, contagious smile—it’s safe to say she’s a supermodel. A super model in the sense that our young people would be better off if they took down their posters of Camille Kostek and put up one of Cherie Berry. Although you’d probably love to see her back it up and dump it, the only thing she’s backing up are legally formed unions and the only thing she’s dumping are employers who didn’t pay overtime. Honestly, I don’t really know what the Commissioner of Labor does but just by the sound of it I can tell you its not a fun job at all. It’s true. She didn’t pick her life because it was a fun time. She picked it because it matters.
A lot of people might not even know who the Commissioner of Labor in their state is, and I feel sorry for those people. Every person in North Carolina knows Cherie, and we know her because she was with us when we needed her most.
In elevators.
Riding in an elevator can be a very stressful and terrifying experience. Especially if you are blind or over seven feet tall. The ups and downs of it aren’t for the light hearted or low blood pressured. Just by entering into one of these modern marvels of science, you can feel your heart begin to palpitate and your erection lessen. It is negative feelings like these that most elected officials don’t want their names associated with in anyway. But not Cherie Berry. In a magnanimous and selfless gesture, Cherie placed a picture of herself in every single elevator in our entire state just to let us know everything was going to be okay. Like a painting of the crucifix hanging behind a pastors’ podium, Cherie Berry’s headshot was a familiar reminder of where we came from and where we were going. Whether you were riding to crossfit on two or orthopedic surgery on five, Cherie Berry was there to make sure you got to the physical therapist that you needed afterwards on floor number three. Not only did she provide safety and comfort, but she also aided many in their personal growth and development. Through Cherie, many North Carolinians who once had to spend much of their time dealing with the terrors of claustrophobia were able to move on from that fear and focus more of their time on potential bad things that could happen if a trans person came into their bathroom. And for that, we have indefinite gratitude.
Earlier this year, after 18 long hard years of commissioning labor in North Carolina, Cherie Berry stepped down. However, unlike Ashton Kutcher and Adam Devine, she didn’t jet at first opportunity. I don’t know exactly where Cherie is at this very moment, but I know it is somewhere in North Carolina nestled under our state flag as a blanket as she sings an explicit a cappella version of “Wagon Wheel.” And I hope there are some hot guys there with her.
North Carolina is an amazing place, and I cannot wait to return tomorrow morning as we head to Rough N Rowdy 9 in Fayetteville. In Cherie Berry’s honor, I will be taping the elevator picture of her to the broadcast table so that we never forget her contributions to our great state as we all enjoy an amazing fight night.
OFFICIAL NORTH CAROLINA RANKINGS SO FAR
#5 – Mountains
#4 – Texas Pete
#3 – Panther Statue
#2 – Cherie Berry
#1 – tbd tomorrow